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The Third Tower Up from the Road A Compilation of Columns from McSweeney's Internet Tendency's Kevin Dolgin Tells You About Places You Should Go Contents 9 ....... Introduction 14 ....... The Corsican Swallowtail: Corsica, France 22 ....... The Fiumicelli River: Corsica, France 26 ....... The Private Tour of Topkapi Palace's Harem Complex as Conducted by John-with-a-c: Istanbul, Turkey 31 ....... The Dalmore Distillery: Scotland 35 ....... The Spanish King of Brussels, Belgium 39 ....... The Waterfowl of Windsor, England 42 ....... Tom Tit's Experiment: Södertälje, Sweden 46 ....... The Best Falafel in the World: Beirut, Lebanon 51 ....... Useful Phrases 58 ....... Ljubljana Castle: Ljubljana, Slovenia 64 ....... The Antique Carousel of the Picci Family: Florence, Italy 69 ....... The Basel Rathaus: Basel, Switzerland 73 ....... In Search of Frank Zappa: Vilnius, Lithuania 79 ....... The Inside-Out Heart of Paris: Beaubourg, France 84 ....... Of Hermits and Saracens: Le Vieux Noyer, France 89 ....... Mickey Mouse and Marshal Zhukov: Manezh Square, Moscow, Russia 94 ....... Odysseus and Grilled Lobster: Bonifacio, Corsica, France 99 ....... The Door to Hell: Paris, France 103....... The Submarine Sights of Copenhagen, Denmark 107....... The Third Tower Up from the Road: Huanghuacheng, China 112....... WARNING: THIS COLUMN CAN CAUSE FETAL DEFECTS 117....... Sex and Drugs and Sambal Goreng Buncis: Amsterdam, Netherlands 122....... The Great Wall of Chinese Golf: Grand Epoch City, China 128....... Switzerland's Least Boring Street: Zurich, Switzerland 133....... A Slow Boat to Japan: Kobe, Japan 139....... Knockin' on Heaven's Nostril: The Daibutsu, Nara, Japan 145....... The Original Singapore Sling 149....... The Lost Civilization of Torre: Corsica, France 154....... Cities in the Sand: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil 158....... The Street Performers of Barcelona, Spain 163....... Fortune-Telling Rabbits: Istanbul, Turkey 170....... Flying Over (and Stopping in) Bangkok, Thailand 175....... Boiled Duck Embryos: Manila, Philippines 179....... The Nesting Habits of Roman Cars: Rome, Italy 183....... Airport Kisses 187....... Les Frites de la Liberté: Bruges, Belgium 192....... The Curse of the Mummies: Cairo, Egypt 197......... The Château d'If: Marseille, France 201......... The (or at Least a) Temple of Spanish Soccer: Madrid, Spain 206......... Of Romans and Pussycats: Provence, France 212......... Erbalunga: Corsica, France 216......... Alexander the Naval Trombone Player: St. Petersburg, Russia 222......... A to Zagreb, Croatia 228......... Kafka's Erotic Dream: Prague, Czech Republic 233......... Shaken, Not Stirred: Monaco 238......... Lyon and Lightsabers: Lyon, France 242......... Crater Lake, Oregon 248......... A Tree or Not a Tree?: Chennai, India 252......... Tuck and Patti and Jeff and Starlight: Corsica, France 257......... Zvouros, the Clawed Guardian of the Acropolis: Athens, Greece 262......... Miller, You're Asleep!: L'Île d'Arz, France 267......... Girl with Lotus Flower: Saigon, Vietnam 272......... Drunken Angels: Islay, Scotland 278......... Taxis 283......... Forgotten Heroes: London, England 289......... The World's Oldest Ferris Wheel: Vienna, Austria 296 Christmas Cheer in Bronze: Bratislava, Slovakia 301...... The Trumpeters of Cracow, Poland 307......... The West Rocky Mountain High Oh, to Live on Sugar Mountain I' m Leaving Las Vegas I Left My Heart in San Francisco 324......... Home