INSEAD Library

Includes bibliographical references and index

Digitized

Nonviolent Communication A Language of Life Contents Acknowledgements Foreword xv xiii Chapter 1: Giving From the Heart The Heart of Nonviolent Communication Introduction 1 3 A Way to Focus Attention 1 1 The NVC Process 6 Applying NVC in Our Lives and World 8 12 15 NVC in Action: "Murderer, Assassin, Child Killer!" Chapter 2: Communication That Blocks Compassion Moralistic Judgments Making Comparisons Denial of Responsibility 15 18 19 22 25 28 30 Other Forms of Life-Alienating Communication Chapter 3: Observing Without Evaluating The Highest Form of Human Intelligence Distinguishing Observations From Evaluations Exercise 1: Observation or Evaluation? 34 NVC in Action: The Most Arrogant Speaker We've Ever Had! 32 Chapter 4: Identifying and Expressing Feelings The Heavy Cost of Unexpressed Feelings Feelings Versus Non-Feelings Building a Vocabulary for Feelings Exercise 2: Expressing Feelings 47 41 43 37 37 Chapter 5: Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings Hearing a Negative Message: Four Options 49 The Needs at the Root of Feelings The Pain of Expressing Our Needs Versus the Pain of Not Expressing Our Needs From Emotional Slavery To Emotional Liberation 57 NVC in Action: Bring Back the Stigma of Illegitimacy! 61 Exercise 3: Acknowledging Needs 65 52 49 55 Chapter 6: Requesting That Which Would Enrich Life 67 Using Positive Action Language Making Requests Consciously Asking for a Reflection Requesting Honesty 76 Making Request of a Group Requests Versus Demands 79 Defining Our Objective When Making Requests 81 NVC in Action: Sharing Fears About a Friend's Smoking 85 Exercise 4: Expressing Requests 88 77 74 67 72 Chapter 7: Receiving Empathically 91 Presence: Don't Just Do Something, Stand There Listening for Feelings and Needs Paraphrasing 96 Sustaining Empathy 101 94 91 When Pain Blocks Our Ability to Empathize 103 NVC in Action: A Wife Connects With Her Dying Husband 105 Exercise 5: Differentiating Receiving Empathically from Receiving Non-Empathically - 109 Chapter 8: The Power of Empathy 113 Empathy that Heals 113 115 Empathy and the Ability to be Vulnerable Using Empathy to Defuse Danger 117 Empathy in Hearing Someone's "No!" Empathy to Revive a Lifeless Conversation Empathy for Silence 123 120 121 Chapter 9: Connecting Compassionately with Ourselves 129 Remembering the Specialness of What We Are 129 Evaluating Ourselves When We've Been Less Than Perfect 130 Translating Self-Judgments and Inner Demands 132 NVC Mourning 132 Self-Forgiveness 133 The Lesson of the Polka-Dotted Suit Don't Do Anything That Isn't Play! Translating Have-To to Choose-To 134 135 136 Cultivating Awareness of the Energy Behind Our Actions 138 Chapter 10: Expressing Anger Fully 141 Distinguishing Stimulus From Cause All Anger Has a Life-Serving Core 144 Stimulus Versus Cause: Practical Implications 145 Four Steps to Expressing Anger Offering Empathy First Taking Our Time 152 149 148 141 NVC in Action: Parent and Teen Dialogue A Life-Threatening Issue 154 161 Chapter 11: The Protective Use of Force When the Use of Force is Unavoidable 161 The Thinking Behind the Use of Force 161 Types of Punitive Force 162 The Costs of Punishment 164 Two Questions that Reveal the Limitations of Punishment The Protective Use of Force in Schools 166 165 Chapter 12: Liberating Ourselves and Counseling Others 171 Freeing Ourselves from Old Programming 171 Resolving Internal Conflicts 172 Caring for Our Inner Environment Replacing Diagnosis with NVC 175 NVC in Action: Dealing with Resentments and Self-judgment Chapter 13: Expressing Appreciation in Nonviolent Communication, 185 The Intention Behind the Appreciation The Three Components of Appreciation Receiving Appreciation The Hunger for Appreciation 188 190 191 180 173 185 186 Overcoming the Reluctance to Express Appreciation Epilogue Bibliography Index 201 Note Pages 209 How You Can Use the NVC Process 211 Some Basic Feelings and Needs We All Have About PuddleDancer Press 213 About CNVC and NVC 214 Trade Books from PuddleDancer Press 215 Trade Booklets from PuddleDancer Press About the Author 222 221 193 197 212